Monday, April 25, 2011

April 25, 2011

I love doing wedding photography. It can be pretty damn stressful for me as I worry so much about something going wrong. I don't want to be the guy that screws up the weddings pictures like that. Even with so many people bringing digital cameras to weddings now a days, someone is paying you to do a job and expecting you to perform beautifully. Its a lot of pressure, but I seem to do my best work (with anything) under a lot of pressure and stress.

Its awesome being a part of someone's memorably day though. Even if you don't know the people at all you really form a connection with them. You get to know them if you are perceptive enough. Seeing that much love and affection, the best of who they are as individuals and as a couple is pretty powerful. As with most things, seeing the best means seeing the little things.

For example, at the wedding this past weekend it was pretty windy during the ceremony, which was outside on a beautiful lake. The bride's veil was flying all over the place and in one of my favorite pics the groom adjusts it for her with a gigantic smile on his face. Its one of my favorite pics from the wedding, not so much because of the quality of the photo, but because it shows who he is as a person. The maid of honor could have done that for her, but he reached around and did it himself. It tells me what a caring person he is and how the little things matter to him.

This... this is why I love shooting wedding pictures. That, and free cake.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

April 21 2011 - Changing the Game

Well, this didn't last as long as I hoped it would. Its been extremely difficult keeping up with the blog. The hardest part? Taking a photo and editing it every day (actually just the days when I work 11 hour shifts). So, I'm changing the blog a bit to be more of a traditional photoblog with ocassional tirades from myself.

That being said, I finally finished the New York pictures.  I'm fairly happy with the results, but when I look through some I sometimes think to myself, "Why am I doing this? It isn't going anywhere." Its true, my photos aren't anywhere near professional level good. I can point out a million things wrong with them, or more accurately the ones that didn't even make the minor photoshop adjustment cut. When I look at the work of other photographers I want to break down and cry; I don't think I'll ever be that good.

Before you say I'm throwing myself a pity party, this has a point, I promise. And here it is: All of the second guessing, self deprecation disappears as soon as I'm out somewhere with the camera raised to my eye. Its a relaxing experience as I snap pictures and listen to music or tune into some innate sound that sums up the environment I'm shooting in (in NYC it was the car horns on the road and the sound of people's shoes on pavement). I don't plan on becoming a professional photographer and I always need to keep that in mind. Its a hobby, something to do to loose myself and forget about my worries for a while. Its much like my mom and puzzles. Although when she is done with them, she certainly doesn't think to herself, "I can't believe this took me 2 hours. I'm such a loser and these pieces don't even fit together that well."

Comparing myself to others is something I've always done and is probably my biggest fault. Its childish, unattractive and shows how little confidence I have in myself. But I only do it when I have time to sit and think. Ultimately, my mind is the antagonist in my life- its where all my conflict comes from. I'd love to say its a personal goal to work on this year, but my mind just told me it'll never work.

Here are some of my New York City Pics!

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

April 6, 2011 through April 12, 2011

Wow. Lazy. Actually I've been so damn busy I haven't had a chance to do much. Even on my birthday last Wednesday I was running around getting stuff ready for the trip to NYC two days later. That and having dinner with a bunch of friends which ended up in my getting absolutely trashed off of one margarita. I'm 26 now, this shouldn't still be happening. In the morning I went to the hospital to visit a friend who'd been there for about a month. I wasn't sure if he was in the hospital or not and I knew the day of my birthday was the only day I'd have the chance to go visit him before going to New York. I'm glad that I did. When I was in New York I got an email from his partner asking for me to call. I had a feeling a knew what that meant. My friend, Dwight Holcome, passed away on Saturday April 9th.

I knew he was very sick, but it was odd, knowing that just 3 days earlier I had been to visit him. Out of all the memories I have with Dwight the one that will play out in my mind for the rest of my life will be the last thing he ever said to me. I sat on his bed, holding his hand as Will and Grace was on in the background. He said in a very soft and raspy tone, "You have no idea how happy I am that you came to visit me. I love you."

What would I be thinking if I didn't visit that day, if I had decided to be selfish and take a day to myself just because it was my birthday? Probably, I would have never forgiven myself.

RIP Dwight. You are missed greatly.

All photos will be updated shortly. I didn't bring my computer to NYC with me, so I have to go through all the pics over the next couple of days.

Thursday, April 7, 2011

April 5, 2011

Unfortunately, the rude people got to be at work today. There were several points where I could feel my temperature boiling over. I was able to keep my cool and composure over all of it though, even if there were some points where my tone got a bit 'bitchy'. I just don't understand why people feel the need to treat others that they don't even know like their punching bag. It makes no sense whatsoever. Just because you don't know me and you are having a bad day doesn't mean you get to treat me like that. I don't do it to you...

Monday, April 4, 2011

April 4, 2011 Baby Maggie

Most of my life I delt with being overweight. I hit a high of 240 pounds about two years ago and from there lost 75 pounds to get to my current 165. Well, 15 of that was after a stay in the hospital because of loosing weight too quickly, but thats another story. Being overwieght was the worst for so many reasons. Having no self esteem was the worst. Sometimes I wonder what I could have achieved thus far in my life if for so many years if for so many years I was terrified of doing anything that might draw attention to my weight. All the time, I wished that I never gained weight, blah blah blah, all that stuff overweight people often wish.

Now to the flip side. Now when I loose weight I get upset. Because of having my gallbladder removed in emergency surgery I have a lot of eating issues. On good days, food doesn't bother me and I can eat pretty much anything I desire. But those days are few and far between. On bad days, I loose weight. Be careful what you wish for indeed. Of course, the weight that I'm attempting to put on my frame now is healthy weight, mainly from muscle. The aggrivating part is when food bothers me, I loose weight and generally anything I eat doesn't stay with me for long. The worst thing you can do while trying to build a muscular phsyique is not eat, which is essentially what happens to me.

This past week I lost another 5 pounds. Be careful what you wish for, it isn't always so easy on the other side of the mirror. The reflection you see when you fantasize comes with just as many drawbacks.

Sunday, April 3, 2011

April 3, 2011

Sometimes I really hate Orlando. Since moving here I've wanted to leave, but there really aren't too many places that I'd want to go. Los Angeles is at the top of my list, and mainly because my best friend lives there and every day I'm apart from her sucks. I get to see her a couple of times I year when I go out, but for a while I got to see her nearly every day. This place has never really felt like home, just a place of transition. I don't belong here (and I don't mean that in an emo I'm going to slit my wrists sort of way). This isn't where I'm supposed to end up. Today was a day of reflection for me and later in the evening as the sun was setting I walked into my bedroom and this shadow from the blinds was cast along the wall. Everything was in it's place, it was quiet and I was at peace. It made me realize that even if this isn't where I'm supposed to end up, it doesn't mean like it can't feel like home.

Saturday, April 2, 2011

March 31st through April 2nd

So I got a little busy the past few days and didn't really get a chance to do much editing wise of the pictures. I actually wasn't on my computer the entire day yesterday. Its a little sad to me that I can't really remember my laptop sat unopened for a single day, but I guess that is the lifestyle I've adopted- technology heavy.

I went home for a couple days to spend a little time with my family, see my two month old niece and see some old friends. It just so happens that my birthday is on Wednesday, so we had a little family birthday party last night.

The best part of the weekend was getting to play with my nephew and seeing my niece's eyes open for the first time. Each time I saw her before, which was only twice, she either wouldn't open her eyes, or she'd give me the 'stank eye' as I call it (one eye open, rather annoyed looking). My nephew is now almost 2 and a half years old and I absolutely love spending time with him. He was just excited to 'share my birthday', which means he just wanted cake.

Usually when I go home I get a bit sad. Not, of course, because of my family, but just being back in the town I grew up in depresses me. I wish I could remember back to the days as a carefree kid, but I tend to focus on my senior year and after, which for the most part were not happy times for me. On the way home tonight I decided the next time I'm in town those memories will be pushed out of my mind and I'll focus on that smiling little kid who never cared about anything but having fun. Hopefully I can manifest that into my nephew and teach him that in the end, everything is all right.

March 31st  WasThat a Hurricane?
April 1st- Cute Dog!

 April 2nd- Ollie